Day 178: An Excerpt from “The SantaLand Diaries” by David Sedaris

9 Dec

Hey guys!

Tonight I went and say the Lord Leebrick production of David Sedaris’ classic holiday tale “The SantaLand Diaries”.

If you’ve never heard of it, it’s a short story from his book Holidays on Ice (a personal favorite of mine) and it’s a true account of Sedaris’ time working as an Elf at Macy’s in New York City.

It’s crazy hilarious!

So, in honor of the season, here is an excerpt from the story!

David Sedaris' "Holidays on Ice"

“There was a big ‘Sesame Street Live’ extravaganza over at Madison Square Garden, so thousands of people decided to make a day of it and go straight from Sesame Street to Santa. We were packed today, absolutely packed, and everyone was cranky. Once the line gets long we break it up into four different lines because anyone in their right mind would leave if they knew it would take over two hours to see Santa. Two hours – you could see a movie in two hours. Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they’re not living in a democratic nation. People stand in line for two hours and they go over the edge. I was sent into the hallway to direct the second phase of the line. The hallway was packed with people, and all of them seemed to stop me with a question: which way to the down escalator, which way to the elevator, the Patio Restaurant, gift wrap, the women’s rest room, Trim-A-Tree. There was a line for Santa and a line for the women’s bathroom, and one woman, after asking me a dozen questions already, asked, “Which is the line for the women’s bathroom?” I shouted that I thought it was the line with all the women in it.

She said, “I’m going to have you fired.”

I had two people say that to me today, :I’m going to have you fired.” Go ahead, be my guest. I’m wearing a green velvet costume; it doesn’t get any worse than this. Who do these people think they are?

“I’m going to have you fired!” and I wanted to lean over and say, “I’m going to have you killed.”” –David Sedaris, Holidays on Ice

2 Responses to “Day 178: An Excerpt from “The SantaLand Diaries” by David Sedaris”

  1. Ryan December 10, 2010 at 7:46 pm #

    Hello, I stumbled upon your blog today and I must say, I enjoy it. I will add it to my reading listy. =_)

    Marvelous Minutia

  2. margasaur December 11, 2010 at 10:45 pm #

    Thanks! I’m always happy to see others happy with the blog :)

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